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More
questions about what to do if you're feeling crowded out of your
own space?
Here's
where to find the answers in
My
Roommate Is Driving Me Crazy!
Q:
My roommate gets
drunk and
brings home strangers. It scares me. What do I do?
A:
See page 139
Q:
My roommate's friends eat my food. How should I handle it?
A:
See page 140
Q:
My roommate's parents are the problem! If they call when my
roommate isn't in, they ask me a bunch of questions. I hate
feeling like a spy. What should I say?
A:
See page 145 |
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Roommates:
Three's A Crowd
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It's hard enough
sharing a dorm room the size of a postage stamp
with one person, but what happens when your roommate
consistently invites friends and dates to hang out
too? Even if you all get along, it can get
old fast. Sometimes you just want a little
privacy. At the very least, you don't want
to feel like an outsider in your own room.
Whether you're dealing with your
roommate's ever present love interest, or his or
her obnoxious friends who "borrow" your stuff, you
need to speak up. Roommate issues like this
don't go away by ignoring them, so it's best to
be upfront and work together to reach an understanding.
Here are some tips that will help:
- Keep
an open mind. It's
possible that your roommate has no idea there's
a problem, so don't assume he's trying to annoy
you on purpose.
- Pick
the right time to talk.
Choose a time to speak to your roommate when the
two of you can be alone. Explain that you
have nothing against the other people involved,
but you feel uncomfortable having them around all
the time.
- Be
assertive.
Stand up for your own rights while respecting the
rights of your roommate. You can't control who your
roommate spends time with or when, but you do have
a say when it affects your time in the room.
- Avoid
accusations.
Starting your sentences with, "you," sounds
like an attack and will likely make your roommate
defensive, as in: "You are being selfish."
Instead, own your message by starting with,
"I," as in: "I'm unhappy with
this situation."
- Set
reasonable expectations. If
you leave the room every time your roommate has
over a date or friend, he or she will assume nothing
is wrong, and the problem will persist. Both
sides need to compromise instead of one person making
all the changes.
- Make
a schedule. Discuss
times when both of you need space to study, sleep,
or just be alone and agree to make those times off-limits
to guests.
If you don't like conflict, you
may be tempted to avoid it by gossiping to other friends
or complaining to your Resident Assistant without
ever talking to your roommate first. Going around
the issue will only makes things worse!
By approaching your roommate calmly
and respectfully, the two of you can work out an agreement
that's fair without things getting blown out of proportion.
More College Survival Tips
Real
World Tips
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