It doesn't matter how old you are when your parents
divorce, it's still tough to handle. Some parents
wait until their kids are in college to split up.
They think that since you are an adult and
out of the house, it won't hurt as much. But,
college is a time of change as it is, so when things
change at home too, life can suddenly feel very unstable.
If your parents are divorcing now, your life can be
affected in many ways. There may be less money
to pay for college, holidays and summer breaks can
become stressful if you're not sure where you'll be
staying, and if you were planning to live at home
after graduation, there may not be the same home to
return to. If you have younger siblings still
at home, you may worry more about them.
This can bring up a variety of
feelings, and your emotions may change frequently,
too. You may feel angry, upset, or sad. You might
feel protective of one parent or blame one for the
situation. You may feel abandoned, afraid, worried,
or guilty. You may also feel relieved if your parents'
relationship has been in turmoil for a long time.
These feelings are normal and talking about
them with a trusted friend, RA, or counselor can help.
Here are some more tips to keep in mind:
Lose
the Guilt. You
are not responsible in any way for your parents' divorce.
They are adults who can make their own decisions.
Just because this happened while you were away
at college does not mean it was the reason for the
breakup. Just because it's the end of their
relationship does not mean they love you or your siblings
any less.
Set
boundaries.
Decide for yourself how involved you want to be. Some
parents share too much personal stuff making it even
more stressful for you and hard to concentrate on
school. On the other hand, you may feel totally
cut off from your family and have a need to be updated
more frequently. You need to decide what's best
for you and share your limits with your parents.
Avoid
Being the Go-Between. It's
best that you do not take on the role of messenger
between your parents. If they have something
to say to one another, they can say it directly, not
through you. It puts unnecessary stress on
you and positions you in the middle of a situation
that realistically, you have no control over.
Plan
Ahead. If
you have a special event that you want both parents
to attend, it's going to take some extra planning.
If they can't stand being together for any
length of time, help create a schedule where they
can show up separately. Make it clear to them
that this is your special event and you
want both of them to support you.
Keep
Living Your Life.
The only life you can control is your own.
Interrupting your college career because of the actions
of others can leave you feeling resentful later. It's
okay to continue to hang out with friends, date, and
go to class and it doesn't mean you don't care about
what's going on with your parents. If you're
doing well, it's one less stress they have to deal
with as they make their own transitions.
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World Tips
