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LISTEN TO AN EXCLUSIVE AUTHOR INTERVIEW
COMPLETE TABLE OF CONTENTS LISTING
you have a roommate story to share?
Visit Susan's blog.
questions about dealing with difficult roommates? Here's where
to find the answers in
My Roommate Is Driving Me Crazy!
My roommate is a slob and I need to say something, but I hate confrontation.
What should I do?
See page 30
I've tried talking to my roommate, but she refuses to listen.
What else can I do?
See page 61
I live in a quad and I'm the odd person out. What do
I say to my roommates to get accepted?
See page 107
My roommate has really bad B.O. It's so embarrassing!
What do I say?
See page 40
My roommate cuts herself. It's really scary. What should
See page 169
I went to my RA and complained about my roommate and nothing happened.
See page 186
I'm gay and my roommate is straight. Should I say something?
See page 135
I've tried everything I can think of to get my roommate to cooperate.
How do I know when to call it quits?
See page 199
Excerpt: What Did You Expect?
"I knew my roommate before we lived together.
She seemed really nice, so I assumed we'd hang out together
or talk. But it's nothing like that. She's a lot different
than I thought she'd be. Now, we can barely stand to look
at one another."
Do you ever look at your roommate and
wonder, "Who is this person?" "What am I doing here?"
"How can I get out of this mess?" Whatever your situation,
it's probably not what you expected, especially if you've
always had your own room and private bath and have never
lived in such close quarters with anybody. It might have
sounded cool to room with a foreign exchange student at
first, until you realized you had nothing in common. Or
maybe you played it safe and roomed with your best friend,
but now you're living with tape down the middle of the
room. Maybe you agreed to share food only to find out
your roomie never buys any!
When you expect one thing and get another,
it can be a shock. It can also be disappointing because
you were prepared mentally and emotionally for something
else. Even the greatest of relationships have conflict.
Expecting to have disagreements is a lot different
than assuming you'll never have a fight. The bigger the
gap is between what you expected and the unpleasant reality
of the situation, the higher your stress level. You can
bridge that gap by learning to adapt your expectations.
That doesn't mean you have to lower all of your standards,
but you may have to adjust a few.
So, what are reasonable roommate expectations,
and what do you need to let go of? Check yourself against
these lists to see where you may have to make some adjustments.
OK to Expect.
safety. You have the
right to feel safe in your living space at all times.
communication . No
shouting, name calling, or vicious e-mails.
for your personal property .
No using your things without your permission.
that are made together .
One person doesn't get to decide all of them.
. Yes, expect it
because it's normal to have differences.
. Both of you will
have to give up something at some point.
Shouldn't Expect That.
roommate will be your best friend .
Some people end up being friends, but most just share
a space, and that's it.
roommate will keep you company.
It's easy to use a roommate as a social crutch when
you're lonely or bored. However, it's not your roommate's
job to entertain or hang out with you.
have something in common with your roommate .
You may be going to the same school, but everyone's
roommate will listen to you and do what you want .
We have no control over other people and their behavior.
always get along with your roommate .
It's impossible to agree with someone 100 percent of
roommate must make all the changes because you're "right."
Compromise means that
both of you will need to adapt.
Realizing that you may be holding on to unreasonable expectations
is the first step. Read on to learn exactly how
to deal with reality, communicate with your roommate,
and improve your situation.
Copyright 2009, Susan Fee, M.Ed., L.P.C. All rights reserved.
This book, or parts thereof, may not be reproduced in
any form without permission from the publisher; exceptions
are made for brief excerpts used in published reviews.